Will you blow on my dice?
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
