I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
