What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
So much Jack, so little girl.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
