Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
