hell yes lets make some ravioli
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
