My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Randomize
