I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
