Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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