and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
