well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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