Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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