it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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