so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
