I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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