she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
