My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
