i dedicated my morning wood to you.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
