if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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