This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize