Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
