some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
