If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
