Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
