did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
