So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I didn't notice because vodka
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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