he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
