I'm going to jail i love you
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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