Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
