Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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