I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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