I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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