Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Randomize
