I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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