Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
