so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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