so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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