omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
