Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
