I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
