I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
