there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
