I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
