I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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