every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
