I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
