I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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