i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
