My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I forgot how hot balto sounded
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
