Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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