just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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