you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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