i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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