he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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