God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
