Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
