i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
