I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
