im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
