I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
