I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
