Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
she peed on how many people?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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