i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
