So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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