Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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