And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
