Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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