I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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