goodnight i made you a song goodbye
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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