Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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