I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
