I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
