I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
His hands were made for my vagina.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Are we still banned from the library?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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