return my video game
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Send help, water and tortillas.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
