can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Floor bacon is actually really good
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
