Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
