Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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