Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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