I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Randomize
