Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Randomize
