I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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