You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
